“Live. Laugh. Love.” – Anon
Hmm… Seems to me it’s been a while since I last wrote on this blog. Don’t quite remember those cobwebs on the ceiling and the homeless guy drinking in the corner being here when I left this thing last…
I guess the primary reason I haven’t been on the Aspie Epilogue in the past few months is that I’ve been too busy being a flaming ball of hot mess. In fact, I’m just now as I’m typing this post pulling myself back to the world of the living.
A few important updates before I go on with this:
I spent a lot of time and effort changing my program at SJU from M.S. in Instructional Technology to a Certificate of Proficiency in Digital Gaming and Animation. The Instructional Technology world felt sterile and less warm than the type of worlds I usually thrive in. I’ve long considered animation to be the next logical step beyond film/video, and digital gaming to be the next step beyond animation. I am currently still trying to figure out how I’m paying for said program. I will hopefully start classes in May for the summer session.
I no longer have a job. I was working at Best Buy for the holiday season, but that is now in the past.
I also no longer work at the Kinney Center. A decision I will elaborate on later on in the post.
It’s probably a good thing the Big Picture Alliance hasn’t contacted me back either way on the Teaching Artist position yet. Like I said, I haven’t been too reliable or even too coherent or rational in my thought processes for the past few months.
I felt that I had too many commitments to keep as it was, and I just couldn’t manage them all (hence leaving the Kinney Center). After three or so months spiraling toward a depression, I went through my old high school yearbook from 12th grade, late last night.
I realized that even though I felt as if my contributions to others’ lives were small individually, all the small things added up to several large impacts that were much greater when put in context. Suddenly, my life made sense again.
One quote from a friend’s signature stood out the most:
“Remember Live. Laugh. Love.”
It was at that point that I made an important self revelation:
I had spent so much of my time hemorrhaging love for other people in everything I put my heart and soul into that I saved none of the love for myself. I was spent. No love meant I could no longer laugh. No laughter meant I wasn’t really LIVING.
I realize this was an exhaustion years in the making, but I woke up this morning feeling completely recharged from last night’s catharsis. My vow for the year is to take better care of myself.
Sure, Valentine’s Day is once again coming (Curse you, Hallmark! Vile nemesis!) and I STILL don’t have a date – nor anything else to do for that matter – but it just doesn’t matter, anymore. I have FINALLY brought myself to realize that I need to love myself, too.
And THAT, my dear readers, is what I want you to learn about yourselves today!
No matter how down and out you feel, YOU are the only person who can bring yourself down and keep you there. You can also pick yourself back up and continue climbing the mountain. And when you reach the top, climb another mountain, and another after that!
THE POWER IS YOURS!
(For some reason, a certain 1990’s TV show comes to mind right now…)
A wise person once gave me a couple sage words of wisdom:
“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need.”
“Be the change you want to see in the world.”
The point I’m trying to make with these quotes is that in order to love anybody, you need to love yourself first. Sometimes what you needed all along isn’t quite what you’ve always wanted.
…BUT IT ALL WORKS OUT IN THE END!
I don’t suppose too many of you have heard of the “It Gets Better” project? No matter what negativity life throws at you now, it will get better when it’s over. I promise you. You can do ANYTHING you want with your life, but there are three things you need to do to get there:
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE.